“Love & compassion are necessities, not luxuries, without them, humanity cannot survive“ – Dalai Lama. When you read this, DID you INCLUDE YOURSELF ? A lot of people don’t…… Are you always hard on yourself ? Do you get angry or disappointed with yourself? Do you talk to yourself harshly & give yourself a dressing down at times ? I used to be like that & it was continual….It gets you nowhere & all you are doing is treating yourself with disdain & disrespect! You wouldn’t dream of treating your best friend like that, yet you find it okay to treat yourself in this manner. All you are doing is breaking yourself down……. As the Dalai Lama states : “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. “Compassion is more than what it says, it’s about self-kindness, common humanity & Mindfulness too. Let’s look at them individually:
- Self-kindness – It’s being kind to yourself during times of difficulties, struggles, challenges & changes in your life. Kindness brings you a sense of comfort when most needed..
- Common humanity – This is acknowledging that struggles, difficult changes, hardships & changes are part of being human & it’s common to each one of us, no matter our status, where we live, what we do or who we are. Understanding this & bringing it to mind makes you feel that you aren’t alone & can help put things into perspective for you.
- Mindfulness – This is being AWARE of not only your thoughts & feelings, but of how you actually speak to yourself in your head. If you are always being self-critical or self-judging, you aren’t been kind or self-compassionate to yourself are you
So HOW do I build real self-compassion ? Here is a simple exercise to get yourself started:
- Treat yourself like you would your BEST friend . Think of the things you would say to her when she is struggling, the tone of voice you use & what you say to help support & comfort her. This is how you need to treat yourself & speak to yourself. If you aren’t being like this with yourself & you are being extremely harsh, ask yourself what makes you treat yourself differently – Is it a belief that it’s okay to treat yourself badly ? Does it make you uncomfortable being nice to yourself? Think why it is so…..Write down how things will change in your life , if you treated yourself as you do your best friend.
Yes, it takes time to really become more self-compassionate ,but it’s well worth it. During times of hardship you learn to feel the feelings of discomfort, while being kind & gentle to yourself. You aren’t fighting the extra burden of stress you put upon yourself when things are already tough.
REMEMBER : Wherever you go, there you are! You can’t run away from yourself ! Be kind & self-
compassionate & you’ll feel a whole lot better.
Much love, Debbie